Injustices are a painful reality … but we must learn to live with them.
Many of the complaints that psychologists address with people who come for consultation refer to “how unfair it is that my partner left me”, the injustice of seeing how “the job has been for another person and not for me “, Or to think that” there is no right for so and so to behave that way with me. “
Injustices: a painful reality with which we must live
These types of reflections abound in our daily lives that lead us to assess what happens to us in terms of justice, as if the personal fulfillment and happiness of each of us could be measured in our perception of the fair and unfair events that happen to us. . And it is that some of the most renowned authors in the world of Psychology ( Albert Ellis, Wayne Dyer) explained to us some years ago how the so-called “justice trap” works and they already told us that it works as a cognitive distortion or In other words, as an error of thought.
The so-called fallacy of justice consists of the tendency to value as unfair everything that does not coincide with personal wishes. Through this type of thinking, we consider that everything that does not coincide with our way of seeing things is unfair.
Reframing our perception of injustices
And in this assessment of established injustice, many remain immobilized, gripped by frustration and resorting to internal dialogue of complaint and laziness in which when one settles in, one only gets sadness, dejection …
At this point, it does not make much sense to change our way of seeing things, if I start from the basis that “it is not fair that this place is not mine with what I have studied” and we repeat it in each failed call to pass My opposition exam, are we favoring a solution to our problem? Are we generating a constructive dialogue with ourselves aimed at improving the aspects that are necessary to pass this exam? Not! We are only complaining! And that complaint can fulfill its short-term therapeutic function as a relief, but when we normalize and establish it, there is the problem. ..
5 strategies to face injustices
Studying an exam a lot or behaving well with others cannot be the passport to perceive unfair not to obtain a competitive position or a bad reaction from a friend. They are realities that just happen and that we cannot have 100% under control.
What alternatives could we consider?
1. Differentiate what I want vs. what is unfair
Wanting something with all our strength does not make it possible for you to have it. This reality would have certain implications in our internal dialogue, therefore it would be convenient to change the “it is an injustice” for “it is a pity” or for a “I would prefer it”.
2. Things can happen differently as we would like
Working with our goals not achieved as an excuse to improve and not to use them against us. If wanting something leads you to fight and work towards that goal, complaining about the injustice of not getting it and tormenting yourself about it takes you far from your goal.
3. Others have the right to present opinions different from mine.
Why do we so often embark on trying to change the opinions of others? It would be convenient for us to free ourselves from the yoke of single thought and to encourage each one to give their opinion on any matter. Self- centeredness is not going to help us.
4. Choose to act not to observe and analyze
When we stop in the analysis of what happens and we do not get out of there we are blocking ourselves. Betting on action will lead us to choose what we want, if you need your partner to change something, ask him! If you want that place of oppositions, study and keep trying!
5. Stop seeking fairness in our relationships with others
If I choose to behave well with someone and be generous, I cannot repeatedly get frustrated when others do not act as I would like, when we seek that equitable distribution of “I give you” and “you must give me” we are losing our way. If I choose to be generous I have to keep in mind that it is a personal choice, and that it is my responsibility to decide to change my attitude with that person or to continue being who I am.
Reflections and possible conclusions
Above all the above, it should be noted that in order to get out of the slavery of perceived injustice, we can only do so if we regain the leading role in our lives and stop comparing ourselves all the time with others.
Taking into account the reality that surrounds us in which not even the judges themselves have a single and objective vision of what is fair and unfair, why insist on wasting time dispensing justice around us?