In this article, we review the eight most common mistakes made by first-time seducers.
It’s finally Saturday night! The week has passed, and we have been looking forward to the weekend to go out and flirt.
Focusing only on flirting will not help us in any case. Excess motivation can affect our effectiveness and will cause us to go home alone and beaten if we don’t achieve our only goal. Are you one of those who go out at night with the only thought of approaching all the women who cross your path to see if any itches? You are using the wrong strategy, very wrong.
If you feel like it, take a look at this post: “10 ways to be more attractive (scientifically proven)”
We have to learn to flirt without flirting!
Flirt without flirting, is it possible?
I guess you’re thinking: what the heck is this “flirt without flirting”?
Well, it may seem like a tautology or nonsense, but it is a philosophy that works for more and more men who want to meet women. If you keep reading, you will understand why some things work when it comes to seducing girls while others lead us to failure.
8 beginner seducer mistakes and 8 solutions to improve your social skills
Although this statement may seem strange, below we will expose eight mistakes that we all usually make when we go out to meet girls, and eight solutions to learn to have fun and not focus on flirting.
1. Go out to flirt
As we have pointed out in the introduction, if we spend all our energy and time on dating and talking with girls, we will be betting everything on a single card and, if we fail, this will affect our self-esteem. Flirting is just one more thing we can do in a social context. An interesting thing, no doubt, but not the only or the most important.
We have to bear in mind that it is more positive to go out and have fun and socialize with all kinds of people regardless of their gender. Starting to talk with our friends and acquaintances and have fun with them will help us forget about flirting and will relax us.
2. There is the girl of my dreams.
A girl is at the bar with a friend, she attracts us and we feel the imperative need to hook her up. We think of a clever way to approach and impress her, and when we decide to talk to her, we feel fear creep in and paralyze us.
We don’t have to impress anyone. We have not come to make fireworks or a show of something as simple as talking to someone. We have to adapt to the social skills that we possess at that time. It’s not about liking anyone: it’s about getting to know someone. Important nuance. If we place a lot of importance on interaction, chances are we will be overcome by fear of failure and of doing something wrong. The most successful thing will be to approach that girl immediately with humility and try to have fun with him. A simple hello sometimes works better than the world’s cleverest phrase.
3. Get out of here!
We have managed to get closer to her; We have her in front of us and we see that she is as beautiful as she seemed from a distance. We look at her and we realize that she is looking at us seriously and tired. The fear of rejection invades us again, we turn around and leave in a hurry, before he lets go of a border or doesn’t even speak to us and turns our faces.
We have already pointed out that we should approach a girl to have fun and not to flirt with her. But it is likely that, even if we have assumed this concept, we are still afraid of feeling rejected. Girls, especially in a nightclub, are used to and saturated with being the target of gazes and receive thousands of comments from guys who want to flirt with them. It is normal that they are not amused that “another heavy” approaches.
For this reason we have to understand sportily that many look at us in a hostile way. Let us not take this into account and we apologize for your initial reluctance. We still want to have fun and if you don’t accept our open door to fun, they miss it. And if, in addition, she is rude to us, let us pity her lack of tact; we will find someone educated who deserves our attention.
4. You are sad!
We return, with our group of friends, happy and content because we have unmasked one more unpleasant. It has not affected us at all and we have also had fun with failure, but our friends think differently : they tell us that we are ridiculous behaving like this and that we are embarrassing to others; we should do like them and not try to be what we are not. We bow our heads and silently think they are right: we vow never to approach a girl again for the remainder of the night.
If our friends have paid a ticket to stay drinking, watch life go by in front of their noses and all they know how to do is put sticks in our wheels, it is their problem, not ours. We don’t have to be ashamed of our interest in meeting new people and having fun with it. And if they don’t understand it and they keep laughing at us, maybe we should start to wonder who our friends really are.
5. This is a dive
We have been in that place for more than an hour, we look around us and discover that we do not like the music that or the partygoers play.
It is important that we choose the places we go well because our main objective is to have fun and feel comfortable. If we don’t like music and feel like we have nothing in common with anyone, we will feel like “weirdos”. Next time we will have to think better about where we want to go. That will make things easier for us. If we have things in common with the attendees, it will be easier to feel like one of them and, probably, we will have more things to share with them and, therefore, it will be easier for us to start a conversation, for example, about tastes and hobbies.
6. I need one more drink
To try to disinhibit ourselves and begin to be more sociable, we invest money and time in drinking alcohol.
Drinking won’t help us. It may temporarily make us feel more sociable, but it will take away control of ourselves and, if we spend too much time drinking, the only thing we will do is increase our probability of being rejected as drunk. Drinking has to be a social act, not a necessity. Let’s not use drinking as a drug and much less as an excuse for our failures by saying “I didn’t hook up because I was too drunk.” Let’s learn to overcome fear without the need for narcotics. Being under proper control of our social skills will help our assertiveness and ability to relate to others.
7. Sex is the most important thing in the world
There are five minutes left until the club closes, we have met a couple of girls but it is not enough: we want to go home accompanied because we have not slept with anyone for a long time and, we feel that if we do not, we will be lost because of sex It’s the best in the world.
Desperation and need are not at all attractive. We have to understand that sex is one more incentive in life but that no one has died from not having sex. There are four primary motives that move the human being: hunger, thirst, sleep and sex. If we don’t eat for a long time we die, if we don’t drink for a long time we die, if we don’t sleep for a long time we die and if we don’t have sex for a long time nothing happens because no one has died for lack of sex, and the species it will not die out if we don’t have sex.
We have to begin to value other things, besides sex, that make us feel good; like playing sports, having fun with friends, studying, learning to play an instrument … We have to base our self-esteem on things that only depend on us and sex is not one of them. We are not less interesting or less men for not having sex every weekend.
8. I hate girls, they are all the same and I will die alone
We are on the subway, on our way home, alone or accompanied by our friends, and we don’t even have the strength to stand up. We review how the night went and the last strength we have we invest in drawing a single conclusion: I hate girls!
The misogyny and machismo has never been appealing to someone with a stable self – esteem and also will undermine our future interactions. Protecting our self – concept in this way will make us feel good at that moment, but no matter how much we repeat it a thousand times, we will not be right. Girls might think that of us too. They might think that there are no boys who know how to treat girls and that we all do the same.
We better invest our energies in thinking about what we have done wrong and how we can correct our mistakes and improve in future interactions. And also, let’s think about the good times ; in which we have laughed with our friends, in that song that we like so much and we have danced as if there was no tomorrow. Let’s rejoice that we have reached out to a girl and have overcome our fears a bit more. Let us rejoice that each time we are becoming more like that person we want to become.
In short, we have to learn to go out to have fun and not to flirt. Flirt without flirting should be the slogan of this article. Being afraid of the results will make us give too much importance to something as simple and harmless as meeting new people.
Learning to develop our social skills is a slow process that will probably be full of successes and also failures. Rejoicing in our successes and learning from our failures will cause us to create a belief system that works for us. Flirting is not the most important thing in the world, we have a life full of friends and loved ones that we have to take care of, starting with ourselves.