Several tips on how to dialogue from empathy favoring the appearance of agreements.
The ability to be understanding is one of the psychological faculties that has made us capable of living in society. And it is that for the same reason that each person has their own personality, it is necessary to put some effort to adapt to the points of view of the rest to get to connect with them.
In this article we will see several key ideas about how to be understanding or understanding, and how they can be applied in our day to day life.
From the moment in which human beings live in society, it is necessary that each individual adapt to the needs and characteristics of those people with whom they live. This process always involves a certain level of sacrifice, but we can ensure that this effort is not in vain and serves to better relate to the other not only in theory, but also in practice.
1. Think about the other’s priorities
To be more comprehensive, it is necessary to take into account the scale of values and needs that move the person with whom we are talking. Regardless of whether we agree with this way of prioritizing, it is necessary to understand their point of view in order to take the first steps of dialogue and consensus.
2. Be patient
If everyone thought like us, communication would be incredibly fluid and fast… but also boring and not very stimulating. For this reason, being understanding implies having the necessary patience to leave space for approaching positions, for mutual understanding, which by definition cannot occur in a matter of fractions of a second, but involves a whole process.
3. Practice active listening
The moment of listening is very important, and not only because it allows us to start thinking like our interlocutors, but because it is also a way of fostering dialogue and collaboration. For this reason, it must be strengthened by involving ourselves in active listening, which has to do with all the verbal and non-verbal elements that indicate that we are listening. Make brief comments, look into the eyes, nod… small details that make a difference.
4. Don’t ridicule
Some people take advantage of any situation in which there is a disagreement with their interlocutor to try to ridicule him. This may be an apparent relief to the one who does it (at the expense of the other), but it does not serve any purpose other than that, and instead has many negative effects. Among them, the fact of making mutual understanding much more difficult.
5. Show interest in their emotions
Many times, we do not really understand the other until we know their feelings and, in general, that irrational part of them that leads them to act. But this is something that not everyone is willing to share with the rest at the first exchange. Therefore, it is necessary to show that their point of view is respected and that they can speak freely without fear of being judged.
6. Give opportunities to redeem yourself
Sometimes what keeps us separated from another person is the fact that they feel guilty and therefore believe that they can only continue by confrontational path, given that they have done things in the past that would be clearly considered bad if that confrontation did not exist.
Thus, it is important to give opportunities to redeem yourself in a subtle way, without showing that it is a kind of “ritual.”
For example, assuming in part that something has been done that has harmed the other, even if that is not true, so that that person feels good making the apparent sacrifice of forgiving us. In this way, you may feel that your guilt has been expiated. But a balance must be struck so that a precedent is not set in which any grievance can be resolved in an excessively easy way.
7. Think about the consequences of what you do
Every time you do something that affects another person, think beyond what that change means to you. You have to put yourself in the shoes of the other and see, for example, if that worsens your situation, something that is possible if until that moment we had not stopped to consider what it means to participate actively or passively in what we have modified.
8. Consider the influence of context
Naturally, human beings tend to believe that a person is what he chooses to be, without more. The phenomenon described by the theory of the just world, for example, is a sample of it. However, this is false, since the environment influences us a lot.
Therefore, to be more comprehensive, it must be taken into account that the individual is the product of his decisions but also of the circumstances in which he has had to live.
Coller, N. (2018). A tortoise, a hare and a mosquito . Valencia: Nau Llibres.
Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence . New York: Bantam Books.
Strauss, N. (2015). The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships . New York: William Morrow.