Let’s look at several tips for mediating between friends that have been discussed.
Friendly relationships are not always on good terms; It is common that at times there are moments of tension between friends. Sometimes it can happen that some of our friends fight and we have to mediate so that the situation does not transcend too much.
In this article we are going to see how to mediate a conflict between friends, preventing the friendship bond from deteriorating to the point that it affects the other members of the group. We will learn to recognize our emotions and those of others, to be able to manage them properly and provide good sense.
How to help resolve conflicts between friends?
In the following lines you will find some effective and recommended ways to know how to mediate a conflict between close friends.
1. Identify the problem
The main thing we must do to resolve conflicts between our friends is to be clear about the real reason for their disagreement ; Once we know, we can start looking for the best ways to help resolve the conflict between those involved.
We must be careful with the information of third parties. The best thing to do is talk to your friends and understand each other’s points of view, so that your perspective is as objective and reliable as possible. When you have discussed the situation with your friends, you can draw your own conclusions from the matter.
2. Make them understand that there are ways to solve conflicts
You have to give your friends the necessary tools so that they can face their situation in a more appropriate way.
Some people have in mind that the only way to deal with differences is through aggressiveness and violence; they are not very tolerant of frustration. Talking to each of them individually, you should explain what are the other ways to resolve an existing conflict. For example, assertive communication, respect for the opinions of others, acceptance between people despite the differences they may have, etc.
3. Invite them to tell you how they feel about it.
Ask your friends how they feel about the situation. In this way you will give them the opportunity to reflect on the behavior they are having, and it will be more likely that they will realize their mistakes and want to correct them. They will probably ask you for advice to solve the situation with the other people involved.
It is important that you always remain impartial during your purpose of reconciling the parties involved in the conflict. If not, instead of calming things down between your friends, you could escalate the personal squabble even more. The best thing is that you show them that you can accept the points of view of both without taking sides.
The example that you can give them regarding how you face the situation, and how you are able to remain impartial between them, turns out to be a fundamental contribution to make them overcome their differences and become good friends again. Many times people learn more by example than by words.
5. Avoid forcing reconciliation
Something that is totally contrary to the intention that we have to make our friends reconcile in a good way is to try to do this process in a hasty and forced way. It is advisable to understand that perhaps your friends need a reasonable time to reflect on what may have happened.
Do not try to get them together without their consent to talk, this can end in an awkward situation for everyone, and then it will be even more difficult for your friends to want to see each other again. Remember that nothing that is forced brings good results.
6. Ask them how they would go about resolving the conflict
Through this question you are giving your friends the possibility of accepting that they want to fix things with other people, and a planning process will begin in their mind aimed at resolving the conflict that may exist between them.
It is important that you give them adequate ideas so that they act in the best possible way.
7. Make them see the good in other people
It is common for people during fights to only focus on the negative aspects of the other, and even to magnify them.
Your role as a friend mediator of the conflict will be to recognize and reduce the biases that exist between the parties involved, so that they can remember the positive things of each of them.
8. Suggest meeting them to clarify things
Forcing a situation is not the same as making a suggestion; we must take this into account to avoid misunderstandings. What we should look for is that our friends are willing to meet in person to discuss their conflict and why it has arisen. Thus, each person will have room for maneuver to establish their preferences and make their decisions. Without freedom, reconciliation is not possible, only the appearance of normality can occur.
9. Understand the motives of each
Although you want your friends to reconcile, you should also bear in mind that they may have their personal reasons for deciding to get away from some people. We cannot pretend that because we are still friends with someone our other friends also have to be friends, and we should not ridicule their decisions.
10. Respect final decisions
In the event that we have tried everything in our power to get our friends to overcome their differences and regain their friendship, we must accept their personal decisions and avoid taking an insistent position regarding making them change their minds. Each person is the owner of their decisions, and we must not forget that no one is obliged to continue investing efforts in a relationship, be it friendship, love or business. While technically any conflict can come to an end, that doesn’t mean that striving for final reconciliation is the best way to spend your time.
Charlton, R .; Dewdney, M. (2004). The Mediator’s Handbook. Skills and Strategies for Practitioners. Toronto: Thomson Reuters.
Haynes, JM (2012). Fundamentals of family mediation: A Practical Manual for mediators México CF: Gaia Ediciones.
Noaks, J. & Noaks, L. (2009). School-based peer mediation as a strategy for social inclusion. Pastoral Care in Education. 27 (1): pp. 53 – 61.
Parselle, C. (2005) The Complete Mediator. New York: Weisberg Publications.