Several keys to break with this toxic dynamic that leads us to unhappiness.
It is clear that if with something we must be perfectionists that is our own behavior, but there are people who go too far in this. And it is that while some value what they do by analyzing their weaknesses and devising ways to improve, others are obsessed with the habit of blaming themselves for everything bad that happens to them.
Stop blaming yourself for all the bad things that happen to yourself is essential to improve well-being, since if you do not get out of that dynamic, a vicious circle appears in which pessimism and the expectation of failure make it impossible to get better.
Related article: ” Theories of causal attribution: definition and authors “
How to stop systematically blaming yourself for everything
In this article we will review some keys to stop blaming yourself for everything and face life with a more constructive attitude. However, remember that any personal development and learning process has to go beyond reading, so everything will depend on whether you use these ideas to change the way you relate to your environment and to others.
1. Relativize the importance of guilt
Even if you are responsible for what happened yourself, this does not mean that guilt should keep you in misery indefinitely. The only use of this feeling is to make the memory of that negative experience last over time and lead us to avoid making the same mistake. If we manage to learn the lesson, the reasons for continuing to martyr themselves have no reason to exist. In other words, guilt is not a condemnation: it is a learning factor.
Thus, there is nothing that should lead us to think that the simple fact that we feel bad is a reason why we should suffer. In nature, rewards and punishments do not exist beyond human imagination.
2. Analyze your real strengths and weaknesses
Beyond what one would like, it is clear that everyone has their imperfections. This means, among other things, that not everyone can do anything at any given time in their life. Some things yes, and others only if you have a lot of practice or knowledge.
Remembering this is important because it provides real information about what is really your fault and what is not.
In those situations in which a very complicated and difficult to avoid obstacle has appeared, there is only one situation in which one is guilty of what happened: one in which it was evident that this obstacle would appear, and pride or another form of irrationality led us to go to meet him. Of course, this changes if the reason we “complicated our lives” like that had to do with protecting someone else.
3. Reflect on your relationship with the environment
People who tend to blame themselves for everything tend to keep a low profile in their social relationships. This means, among other things, that they very easily believe that they owe things to others, they feel “helpless” that live at the cost of the good will and virtues of others, and spontaneously adopt submission roles.
The consequence of this is that since people in their close social circle see that the person has a clear lack of assertiveness and self-esteem, it is normal for them to obey and make sacrifices for others. Of course, when everyone exerts this type of pressure, it is very easy to fail many times, both by probability and by the stress that this dynamic of social relationships produces.
Therefore, to stop blaming yourself, it is key to track down the signs that this phenomenon is occurring in our personal relationships. Even unconsciously, it is very easy that if we begin to blame ourselves for everything bad that happens, the rest will also do the same.
4. Practice compassion
Much of our perception of the world and of ourselves does not depend on the content of these ideas and beliefs, but on the attention we give to each of these elements. In the same way that if we only thought about poverty and suffering we would become depressed, looking only at the imperfections of oneself achieves a similar effect, with the addition that by locating the problem within oneself, it does not have It makes sense to try to solve what happens: the broken cannot repair itself, according to this belief.
For this reason, it is good to practice compassion, which in this case is nothing more than applying to ourselves what we usually do with the world: never forgetting its positive aspects.
In this sense, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help a lot, since it is based on accepting a very specific series of imperfections and working to improve in other aspects.