Knowing how to deal with life’s problems from a young age is necessary to fend for yourself.
Parents want the best for our children, and in this attempt to give them everything, we can make the mistake of not letting them develop as people or allowing them to experience life for themselves. These behaviors, which may seem like great displays of love and protection, ultimately cause children to not acquire some skills to cope with life and that can be useful in their future, when they only depend on themselves.
One of these skills is tolerance for frustration, which is closely related to resilience and people’s ability to cope with less pleasant situations. People with a low tolerance for frustration have serious difficulties in controlling their emotions, are highly vulnerable to emotional pain, are impulsive and impatient, and have difficulty adapting to changing environments.
Related article: “ What is frustration and how does it affect our lives? “
Learning to tolerate frustration is key to the well-being of children
Tolerance to frustration is a concept developed by Albert Ellis, a well-known psychologist that we talked about in our article “Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (RBT) by Albert Ellis.
And it is that supporting or tolerating frustration is necessary to face the adversities that life can present or the bad moments that sometimes we have to live. Otherwise, we can become vulnerable people in these situations or emotionally dependent people in interpersonal relationships. Life sometimes presents us with problems, and we must be able to cope and solve them rather than run from them.
When things do not go the way we want or the expectations we had in mind are not met, frustration can appear that if not tolerated gives way to sadness, disappointment, anguish, anxiety and disappointment.
Therefore, tolerating frustration is being able to cope with problems that arise despite the discomfort and pain it causes, which allows you to better adapt to situations and, therefore, react appropriately. When it comes to educating the new generations, this is extremely important.
Keys to teaching your children to tolerate frustration
Luckily, it is possible to work on tolerance for frustration. In the following lines we give you some keys to educate your children to be more tolerant of frustration.
1. Educate with values such as effort
When we educate our child, we must think about the values that he is acquiring. We may think that giving him the best clothes or toys that he wants without effort is a good parenting action. However, we must educate him so that he understands that the things he receives are the result of his effort. In this way, you will learn that in life, if you want something, you have to fight for it. Gifts are not always going to come to you.
2. Teach him to set and meet realistic goals
Frustration appears many times because we set goals that are irrational and unattainable. When we have very high expectations and don’t meet them, then we can suffer for it. Setting realistic goals and meeting them teaches us to be mature and rational, and makes it clear that we must avoid situations that lead us to feel frustrated and, therefore, to suffer.
3. Be consistent and lead by example
When educating a child we must always be consistent with what we tell them, because we are models for them. If we intend to educate them in values and then we ourselves are unable to apply what we are teaching them, learning will not occur. Therefore, our way of acting affects how our children develop, since vicarious learning is especially important at these ages.
Related article: ” Vicarious learning: observing others to educate ourselves “
4. Don’t give in to tantrums
Giving in to tantrums is a way of reinforcing negative behaviors, and it causes a child to learn that he can get whatever he wants simply by crying or throwing tantrums. When we give in to his tantrums, we are sending him the message that he can get what he wants by doing this, and we will not leave him time to reflect on the frustration of not getting his way. Sometimes suffering a little is good for learning valuable lessons.
5. Put limits on your child
Children and adolescents must have clear limits to know how to act. That does not mean that we should be authoritarian with them, simply make them understand that there are certain behaviors that have negative consequences for them.
If we give a child wide sleeves to do what he wants, he will always get his way and, therefore, he will not value anything. When you find yourself in situations where things do not go your way, you will feel a great sense of failure because you have not learned from the unpleasant experiences of the past.
6. Help you learn from frustration
Following the previous point, difficult experiences are a great opportunity to learn new things, because although many times we are not aware, pain is also learned. In fact, experiential learning is one of the best ways to learn. Now, as long as we learn from experience through self-reflection.