The problems of coexistence with the family can lead to confrontations and broken ties.
The family represents a source of support that is often unconditional, and depending on our age, this nucleus fulfills different roles that will help us to mature.
But sometimes it could happen that we do not understand why our family acts with us in a way that does not seem the most correct; We consider that family members are unfair and we believe that they are not capable of understanding our needs. Such behavior could generate a feeling of hostility towards them.
In this article we will review what to do if you are one of those people who have the typical “I hate my family” thought. We will look at some effective reconciliation methods and the best alternatives for those cases.
I feel like I hate my family: what to do?
To face this situation, an exercise in personal introspection is required to a great extent, that is, evaluating ourselves and reviewing what is happening in us, why we have these feelings towards our relatives. Boosting our emotional intelligence will help a lot, let’s see how.
1. Acknowledging our feelings
This consists of accepting what you feel at first, regardless of whether it is true or not. This will help you take the next step, which is to review why you feel that way. The sooner you recognize the feeling and accept it, the closer you will be to overcoming it.
2. Review our family expectations
Many times we pretend that our family provides us with everything and understands us in all cases, forgetting that they also have needs and need understanding. Having realistic expectations of what you expect to receive from your family helps avoid levels of frustration towards these people.
3. Prevent the past from influencing
It is common for families to have fights at certain times, for various reasons. But it must always be remembered that conflicts are temporary, although the family is forever. Don’t let old grudges continue to limit your family life.
4. Find the real reason
This refers to the level of introspection we may have. Once you have accepted your feelings, it is time to see why they are there, but being completely honest with ourselves. As uncomfortable as they may be, you must acknowledge the real reasons for your anger toward them and channel that discomfort in a constructive way.
5. Keep in mind that your family is part of who you are
The rejection of family members could be caused by a rejection of aspects of our own personality that we do not like, but that we are unable to recognize or accept. That is why it is important to take the time to evaluate ourselves, before repudiating others.
Effective reconciliation methods
Now let’s see some tools that can be very useful when looking for a family reconciliation, when it’s time to make the feeling of “I hate my family” disappear. After we have realized why we experienced feelings of discomfort towards our family, it is time to practice new styles of coexistence. Let’s see them.
1. Avoid comparisons
At the time of coexistence, it must always be borne in mind that each person is unique in all its aspects.
We must avoid making comparisons between our relatives or between other families and ours. The best thing is always to accept our loved ones as they are. We must learn to love them.
2. Practice active listening
One of the best ways to avoid conflict is to listen. This refers to the fact that we must interpret what others tell us in an assertive way, that is, listen to what they are really saying and not what we think we understood.
Maybe you’re interested: ” Active listening: the key to communicate with others “
3. Family therapy
Taking into account that families are nuclei made up of people who, although they have things in common, also have differences, family therapy is very useful to make us more tolerant and learn tools for coexistence together.
Personal alternatives in these cases
When this situation arises in our life, it is important that we not only focus the solution on collective coexistence, but also on our personal growth, and that we evaluate what aspects of ourselves we could improve.
1. Avoid generalizing
When we say “I hate my family” we are encompassing almost every member of our family tree, which is totally irrational.
We may have some specific difference with some members of our close or not so close family nucleus, but in any of the cases we must specify with whom exactly there is hostility for specific reasons, in order to adequately solve this.
2. Renew your ties with your family
This refers to putting into practice new ways of relating to them, being aware that the previous ways were not healthy, and looking for the best options to be at peace with the family.
3. Learn from adversity
When we go through difficult times in our life, including family conflict, we can always draw a valuable lesson from that. Keep in mind that you cannot avoid conflicts, but you can learn from them to reduce and avoid repetitive arguments.
Stoop, D. and Masteller, J. (1997). Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families. Regal.
Neuharth, D. (1999). If you had parental control. Harper paperback book.