In situations of emotional pain or problems in relationships, it is very normal to want to express yourself.
“I need to talk to someone” is a recurring idea that arises in the minds of those who feel bad emotionally, either due to a psychological disorder of biological causes (such as endogenous depression) or due to painful events that have occurred in their lives, such as divorce, an episode of sexual harassment, or a feeling of loneliness.
The truth is that it is normal to want to express what we feel when psychological pain erodes our quality of life. On the one hand, having someone to talk to helps to organize our ideas, the system of thoughts from which we perceive and analyze what is happening. On the other hand, feeling the support and empathy of someone is often something we need to overcome that situation and move forward.
In this article we will see some useful key ideas for those moments when we feel that need to talk with someone who listens for what we have been through and how we feel, a more common experience than it seems and capable of reaching anyone. Sometimes the help of psychologists will be necessary, and sometimes it will be enough with friends, the partner or family.
Possible solutions to “I need to talk to someone”
That you feel that you need to explain to someone how you feel is not accidental. One of the most important aspects of getting through the bad times is understanding the meaning of what is causing us discomfort, and this is often something that is very difficult to do alone, without help.
Especially considering that sadness, melancholy or anxiety often does not let us think well, or do it in a sustained and systematic way, something necessary to reach coherent conclusions.
Now … what should we do when faced with that feeling of “I need to talk to someone about what is happening to me”? Here you will find several tips.
1. Do not hold on to prejudices about others
The moment in which we open ourselves to show our vulnerabilities and express what the discomfort we feel is like works through codes of behavior that are different from what happens most of the time in social relationships. Normally everyone may try to show the best version of themselves and act as if they have no serious problems, but if you show your vulnerabilities honestly and in a context of intimacy, it is most likely that others will reciprocate and fully support you. in that action, and they will even show themselves vulnerable talking to you about similar experiences.
For this reason, it should not be taken for granted that the reaction to what you are going to say is indifference or teasing; This only happens in clearly damaged relationships, which you probably already know how to recognize in your day-to-day life.
So, seek support from those you know appreciate or love you, and don’t use the fear of non-acceptance as an excuse for not taking the step of saying what’s wrong with you and how you feel. You’d be surprised to what extent even relative strangers may be interested in your well-being.
2. Find the right context
Even if you feel very bad and feel a certain urgency to express yourself, it is important that you choose the right place, time and person. This is even more of a priority than starting the conversation with all your ideas organized and duly specified (something that you probably won’t get in your state of discomfort, at least before starting the conversation).
If you do not plan these three fundamental aspects, it is very likely that the first contact with someone who is there to support you will be difficult and frustrating; for example, because there is too much ambient noise or because the other person has responsibilities to attend to and only has a few minutes.
Expressing how you feel is important: it deserves that you take that moment seriously and plan it the same as if it were a formalized appointment written on the agenda. If not, you may even have to deal with an added problem: fears, insecurities and prejudices about what it means to open up to others. If this happens, you will tend to want to isolate yourself more and communicate less, so that you consider looking for a solution to your psychological pain.
3. Do not seek to be fully understood
The point of talking to someone about what makes you feel bad is not for them to fully understand you. This is impossible, because each person is unique and experiences what happens to them in different ways.
What you should look for, in addition to the empathic connection, is precisely the plurality in the way of seeing things: alternative points of view that help you achieve a more constructive and less dramatic and defeatist perception of what is happening to you. Remember that the fact that you have lived what has hurt you does not necessarily mean that you have a more objective perspective of reality; many times the opposite is true.
Find your psychologist
As we have seen, talking to someone about the problems that make us feel bad can be a great help, but often something more is necessary. The professional help given by psychologists specialized in psychotherapy and psychological assistance is a resource that helps to overcome situations of emotional pain and problems in our way of relating to the environment and with others.
In fact, there is even the possibility of going to couples therapy or family therapy, for those cases in which what is wrong is not so much in ourselves as in our interactions with other people from our closest social circles. Finding a psychologist implies much more than having someone to talk to: it gives us the opportunity to have a professional expert in human behavior to help us learn new ways of feeling, thinking and behaving in a constructive way and in accordance with our interests and values.
That is to say, it is not simply a process of expressing feelings, but the information we give the psychologist serves so that he can help us make progress throughout a training in which we modify our habits to become better equipped people to manage problems and sources of discomfort.
Going to psychotherapy is learning the theory and practice of how to regulate our emotions and our decision-making in difficult situations. In addition, it is not necessary to have a diagnosed disease or disorder to go to psychological therapy consultation: sometimes, the discomfort that affects us does not fit with the definitions and labels used in mental health manuals.
Now … how do you find a psychologist who can help you?
Directory of Psychologists for professional help
It must be borne in mind that there are different profiles of psychologist specializing in therapy, and it is necessary to know how to choose according to their areas of specialization and location. Fortunately, there are relatively easy ways to quickly find a psychologist to talk to who can offer professional help.
In the Directory of Psychology and Mind Psychologists you can access the profiles of the psychotherapists who offer therapy in your city. It is currently available in several countries, and allows you to see at a glance what the specialties and titles of each professional are.
Please click here to access the Spain section of the directory, here to enter the section of users resident in Mexico, and here to access the section of Colombia.
- National Collaborating Center for Mental Health. Depression. (2009). The treatment and management of depression in adults (updated edition). National Clinical Practice Guideline Number 90. London: British Psychological Society and Royal College of Psychiatrists.
- Nomen Martín, L. (2007). The duel and death. The treatment of loss. Madrid: Pyramid.