The resentment: a negative feeling that can be very harmful to your psychological health.
We have all come across spiteful people throughout our lives. Either by a friend, partner or family member. The latter, unlike the first two, we do not choose, so we may have to face a complex situation.
On the other hand, it is common that when a love relationship breaks down, and due to the intensity of the feelings characteristic of this type of relationship, a great resentment towards the other person appears. At least until we accept the breakup.
The difference between spite and revenge
The bitterness is a kind of moral damage, which we are offended and want revenge. Emotions such as hatred, anger and the desire to make the other person pay for what they have done to us (or we think they have done to us) arise .
But is resentment and revenge the same? We could say that resentment is the feeling that we have been hurt, but revenge is when we behave in a hostile way and we want the other person to suffer the consequences of having hurt us. Rancor and revenge usually go hand in hand, although the latter does not always materialize.
Characteristics of spiteful people
But what characterizes a spiteful person? How can we recognize these types of individuals? These are the 10 traits or attitudes that characterize spiteful people.
1. They neither forgive nor forget
Resentful people often say they forgive … but they don’t forget. In reality, they neither forgive nor forget, because if they really did forgive, they would forget. The fact of not forgiving means that what happened is still present and that is why they feel that way. The best way to forget something is to forgive. And forgiveness, although sometimes hard to see, is necessary to maintain emotional balance.
Regarding this, you may be interested in our article: “Forgiveness: should I or should I not forgive the one who hurt me?”
2. They don’t learn from the past
Resentful people do not learn from the past and get stuck in the events that have happened to them. Instead of seeing bad experiences as opportunities to grow, they take everything personally, which makes it impossible for them to move forward.
3. They think they are never wrong
These types of individuals think that they are perfect and that they do not make mistakes. They are not very tolerant and too rigid and when someone does not act as they want, they are usually very harsh with others. We all have the right to make mistakes, it is part of life.
4. Everything is black or white
These individuals move to extremes: either everything is white or everything is black. In other words, there is no middle ground. The good-bad does not always explain what happens in interpersonal relationships, because many variables influence our behavior.
5. They are very proud
Since they are uncompromising people, spiteful people are proud too. At the very least they take it personally and think they are being attacked. That causes them to get defensive and try to be strong. The truth is that being a proud individual does not have to be an indicator of being a mentally strong person, but rather is a symptom of weakness.
To stop being a proud person you can read our article: ” 5 tips to stop being so proud “.
6. They always want to be in control
Resentful people are usually people who want to have everything under control. They do not feel comfortable talking and do not accept that others have their opinion and a different taste. As said before, they are uncompromising and everything has to fit into their perception of the perfect world.
7. They are easily offended
And of course, when this does not happen, they are easily offended. Deep down, resentment is a way of not accepting things and, in fact, it may even mask one’s own insecurities. Grudge is not good as it keeps the wound open for a long time. The best thing is to accept and turn the page.
8. They always want to be right
But insecurity is also linked to the desire to have everything under control and to always want to be right. Insecure people fear the opinions of others and are not comfortable when they are tested by others. They always want to be right and when this does not happen they do not accept it.
9. Life is a drama for them
When we hold a grudge in our hearts, life is not a pleasant place, because you constantly remember what they have done to you and, instead of overcoming it, you rejoice in it. The spiteful people are usually resentful towards more than one person and, therefore, they turn their life into a drama.
10. They think they are better than others
As has already been said, resentment can be understood as the non-acceptance of what happened and the feeling that we have been hurt. But it is still the perception of how they have treated us. If we take iron out of the matter, it will hardly affect us. Now, if we believe we are better than others and we think that only they do things wrong, we are going to give more value to what happened than it has.
Everyone can change
If you know someone who is spiteful or if you yourself have some traits described, don’t worry. A change in attitude can make you see life in a different color and improve your personal relationships. If you see that you have more difficulties than expected to solve this attitude, you can always go to a psychotherapist who can help you.