A communication expert teaches you some tricks to feel more comfortable in your interactions.
Social fear is a natural mechanism to avoid being hurt. The low self – esteem and lack of confidence in oneself makes us feel weak in social situations. We are afraid of feeling judged and it is very likely that this feeling has its origin in childhood.
Social panic: ten everyday actions to defeat it
Everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, is afraid of rejection. One of the things that differentiate a self-confident person from another who is not, is that the former learned to manage fear.
But how can we overcome insecurity?
First of all, we recommend that you read this article published in Psychology and Mind that talks about shyness and how to try to overcome it.
Then we propose ten actions that you can apply in your day to day and that will help you to be a more sociable person.
1. Love yourself
The best way to end our fear of rejection is to work on self-esteem. A good way to start is by learning to talk to ourselves and to value ourselves for who we are: to be aware of our strengths and to pamper and forgive our shortcomings. Also be aware that we can improve and not be ashamed of not knowing how to do this or that thing. Nobody is perfect and nobody knows everything. Living is learning and knowing how to correct our mistakes.
2. Don’t take yourself too seriously
Laughing at ourselves and our shortcomings will help us to make our mistakes down. We should not get angry with ourselves but understand that mistakes are part of learning. We are not born knowing, we have to be aware that everything has its process and we must not deprive ourselves of the luxury of being wrong. Let’s rejoice in our mistakes because it will mean we are closer to our goal. In addition, laughing at ourselves, in front of others, will help us to be seen as courageous people who are not afraid of being judged.
3. Count your failures
There are few things funnier than the story of failure. Comedies tend to be stories of failures and the characters who live them are people full of errors that make them endearing. Let’s look at Charles Chaplin or Buster Keaton ; his films are plagued with downfalls and mistakes that make audiences laugh. His films are plots that feed on misunderstandings and clumsiness and the public laughs with them. Or if not, let’s look at Woody Allen. All his films revolve around him and his failures and, far from looking like a fool, people laugh with him and empathize with his experiences because, deep down, we have all failed at some time and there is nothing wrong with that.
Saying that we are shy will help us to be able to communicate and will give information to others so that they can sympathize with us. We will be counting our failures and, at the same time, laughing at ourselves. Thus, others will know how to treat us and we will discover that it is okay to have social panic. For example, if we are in front of the person we like, we can say: “Excuse me, but you intimidate me and if I do not speak to you or stutter it is because I am focused on not bleeding from the nose.”
5. Learn to relax
There is no better way to combat anxiety than to learn to breathe and learn a few relaxation techniques. There is infinite information on the internet that will help us learn to fight stress. In Psychology and Mind we are supporters of Mindfulness, but there are countless ways to calm the nerves such as yoga , meditation or playing sports. You can consult the following articles to learn simple and fun techniques that will help you have a better relationship with your mind and body:
6. Talk to strangers
Learning to be social people is not an easy task. We must start in everyday situations that do not involve a great effort. Commenting on strangers is a great way to start. There are countless everyday situations in which we can start practicing, such as saying good morning to the doorman in our building, talking about the weather in the elevator, or telling a friend that her new hairstyle looks great. Little by little we will overcome our fears and we will learn to handle ourselves in different social contexts.
7. Assume that rude and rude are everywhere
Knowing which are our mistakes and defects and which are not, will help us to attribute certain reactions to others and not to blame ourselves if someone is unpleasant towards us. There are people who camouflage their insecurity by being aggressive towards others. We have to learn to detect it and know how to forgive them. If we greet our boss and he responds in a dry or sour way for no apparent reason, we will think that he is bland or that he must have personal problems that make him answer that way.
8. Work assertiveness
Cultivating observation will be useful to know how we should communicate with others. If we begin to detect people’s moods according to their body language, we will be able to express ourselves, or not, in a more appropriate way and we will avoid countless uncomfortable situations and aggressive responses that lower our self-esteem. Knowing the personality of others will make us know how to make better and more accurate attributions.
Do you want to know some keys to assertive communication? We recommend that you read this article.
9. Dare to do new things
Experiencing new things and getting out of our comfort zone will help us to get to know different contexts and we will learn to better adapt to them in future occasions. As long as it is not a danger to our physical integrity or to our values, it is good and enriching for us to participate in new activities. Let’s focus on the benefits of the activity and not its disadvantages. Let’s take it as an opportunity to overcome a challenge and improve as people.
10. Take the initiative
As we face new situations and agree to new activities, we will be prepared to be the source of the experiences to come. Doing an event to go to the premiere of a movie that we would like to see or organizing a dinner with our friends and asking each one to bring a stranger, is a good way to start and practice with trusted people. Little by little we will become proactive people of great value to others and we will see ourselves as someone that other people want close to being a source of countless fun activities.
Patience, let’s keep in mind that fears do not vanish overnight. Little by little we will be fighting and overcoming them. We recommend that you do not compare yourself with the person you would like to be, but rather that you compare yourself with the person you were. Day by day, month by month, year by year, you will realize that you are leaving social panic behind.