This is how the different kinds of affection influence us in family life.
The family is the strongest pillar of human relationships. It is the first social contact that we meet and, from which we begin to bond with others. But are all family relationships the same? How are our relationships with our main caregivers?
I want us to talk about this today. Why? Because depending on how these are, how we manage them and how we learn to relate to each other, it will influence how we grow, the adults we train and how we manage the adversities that may arise.
For this, I want us to answer several questions
What is attachment?
Attachment is the affective bond that we create since we are born with our main caregivers and reference persons.
However, attachment is not always expressed in the same way in family relationships. Let’s see what forms it can take.
What types of attachment are there?
We find four types of attachment, which are as follows.
1. Disorganized attachment
It is characteristic in families in which there has not been a good family structure, in which physical and psychological abuse was common, and in situations in which contempt or insults were a daily occurrence.
2. Distant or avoidant attachment
It is common in people who feel that all their needs or care were covered, except emotionally, with negligence. In this case we find families in which there is some structure, but not in all areas, and above all there is negligence on a psychological level.
3. Worried, anxious, or ambivalent attachment
We meet families in which there is no privacy. It is common that in this type of family it is forbidden to close the door, or if we close it, at any time a person enters, to see if everything is fine and in order. In addition, it is common to use emotional blackmail with phrases such as “if you don’t do what I ask, you don’t love me.”
4. Secure attachment
In this type of family there is a good family structure, in which good harmony, care, coherence and autonomy are given in an appropriate way.
Possible behavior patterns in the face of inadequate attachment
The best type of attachment is secure attachment, due to the existence of a good balance in all areas. This can be worked on.
But what happens to us when we have another type of attachment? Or when we live in situations in which we feel in danger or that we cannot?
Holding on to danger
This is something natural, it happens for example in animals such as the remora fish, which stays glued to its predator in order to feel that it is safe. Sometimes the same happens to human beings, it is easier to stay next to something that we know is wrong than to try to find a change.
When in fact, if we take the step of taking charge of our life, everything improves. It is common that when we feel like this, we depend on others to be well, or we present a worried attachment to the people we love.
Build a protective wall
To give an example, as in the previous case we have spores or turtles. They have a cuirass with which they protect themselves from the outside. These people are usually strong, they isolate themselves, so that no one can harm them. Many times caused by living in environments that have taught you that it is the only way for things to be better.
Many times when we find ourselves like this, we are able that our environment does not realize it, other times we react by “attacking” or “hurting” the people we love the most and it is very difficult for us to talk about our emotions
Do you feel identified with these situations?
Sometimes, it is not necessary for us to encounter an insecure attachment, although it affects. The circumstances of our life and the challenges that it poses make us block ourselves or try to escape. Many times our past experiences do not allow us to move forward, or we treat our family in a way that we do not like.
If this happens to you, you are not alone; It is always a good time to learn to take care of ourselves and love each other, we can form a great team. To get in touch with our team of psychologists, go to this page.